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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915178">like a storm in my chest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeepestdaydream/pseuds/thedeepestdaydream'>thedeepestdaydream</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Past Abuse, The Gaang Learns How Zuko Got The Scar (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar) Deserves Nice Things, Zuko (Avatar) Gets a Hug, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), because Zuko deserves one, no beta we die like jet, well Sokka does</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:21:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915178</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeepestdaydream/pseuds/thedeepestdaydream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko tells Sokka the story of how he got his scar.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sokka &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>338</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>like a storm in my chest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I bet the last of my seal jerky that Zuko wins!” came Sokka’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that bet,” said Katara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aim for his left, Twinkletoes! </span>
  <em>
    <span>His left!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Toph shouted through her cupped hands. Because of course she’d noticed that his reaction time was slower on his left side and wasn’t afraid to exploit it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Aang circled each other in the sand, their usual early morning sparring match suddenly becoming a spectator sport as everyone had piled onto the porch of the house on Ember Island to gawk. Zuko did his best to ignore them, focusing on Aang in front of him and on trying to spot any errors in his stance or movements. He still favored evasion over outright attacks and that was something Zuko would have to work on with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aang came at him again, aiming a blazing punch at Zuko’s core that he dodged easily. Zuko pivoted and swept fire at Aang’s feet to try and break his stance but was caught off guard when Aang swept his legs out from under him, sending him crashing to his knees. He turned just in time to see Aang coming at him from his left with an open-palmed blow and his breath stuttered in his lungs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was thirteen again, his knees digging into the cold, unforgiving stone of the arena floor as he was surrounded by the jeers of a faceless crowd. His father towered over him, snarling at Zuko to fight, but Zuko wouldn’t. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You will learn respect,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> his father said coldly, his hand alight with flame, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“and suffering will be your teacher.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“-ko! Zuko, what’s wrong?” He snapped his head up to see Aang crouched in front of him, hands hovering like he was afraid to touch something fragile. Zuko blinked rapidly, his heart beating a staccato against his ribcage. He brought a shaky hand up to wipe at his face and was mortified to discover that the wetness he’d felt there was actually tears.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko quickly got to his feet and staunchly ignored how badly his legs trembled. He avoided everyone’s eyes and practically ran out of there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until the door of his room was between him and the rest of the world that he relaxed. He slid his back down the door and landed heavily on the floor, burying his face into his knees as he tried to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought that he was past this. He hadn’t had an attack that bad in a long time, not since his first year on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wani.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A sudden knock on the door at his back made Zuko jump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zuko, buddy,” came Sokka’s soft voice, “you doing alright in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko took a deep, tremulous breath before climbing to his feet and opening the door. Sokka was indeed standing at his door, thankfully alone. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for being weird.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, weird’s fine! You’re hanging around the right crew for weird. Mind if I come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Zuko wordlessly made room for Sokka to pass and made his way over to sit on his bed, still not quite able to meet Sokka’s eye. Sokka grabbed Zuko’s desk chair and straddled it so he was facing Zuko, chin resting on his folded arms. “So, do you want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko felt his cheeks burn in shame. “Not really, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m all for ignoring your problems until they go away, but according to Katara that’s unhealthy or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko smiled wanly. “That sounds like something she’d say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’d also say that you might feel better if you talk about what’s bothering you,” Sokka added with a grin. “So whaddaya say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko could see nothing but sincerity in the other boy’s deep blue eyes, yet still he hesitated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Sokka, quite the opposite in fact. After Boiling Rock, he’d trust Sokka with his life. He knew Sokka would never judge him. He knew that like he knew the sky was blue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “When Aang and I were sparring I… remembered some stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka frowned. “What kind of stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gestured vaguely at his own face. “How I got this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Understanding dawned on Sokka’s face and he nodded sympathetically. “So you were thinking about the accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I—” Zuko started to nod before Sokka’s words finally caught up with him. “What accident?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The accident where you got your scar?” Sokka said, sounding mystified. “That’s what we’re talking about, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko stared at him, eyes wide. No, it wasn’t possible. Everyone, down to the lowliest of Earth Kingdom peasants, knew how Zuko got his scar. The news had spread like a disease during the first year of his banishment, following Zuko to every port and province. Surely Sokka had to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sokka, do you… not know how I got my scar?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no,” Sokka admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck ruefully. “News doesn’t typically travel to the South Pole and afterward we were so busy preparing to save the world that I didn’t really have time for gossip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko’s mind reeled. Sokka didn’t know. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He didn’t know. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Did the others not know either? Did they—?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Sokka said earnestly. “We can go back to the tried-and-true method of stoically burying our feelings!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could take the out Sokka had given him and leave one of the only people that didn’t know in the dark. He could do it. But the fact that Sokka had given him an out made the difference. Zuko realized that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell him. He wanted Sokka to hear about the worst day of his life directly from him, not from some gossiping fishmonger in a nameless village.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko took a deep breath. “No, I… I want to talk about it. Will you listen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure buddy, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko looked down at his hands folded in his lap, having no idea where to start. He wished Uncle were here, he’d know exactly what to say. Zuko supposed that the best place to start was at the beginning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know why I was banished?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka appeared thrown at the seeming non-sequitur. He shook his head, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was thirteen, I convinced Uncle to let me attend a war meeting so long as I stayed silent.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Sokka asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko watched as his hands turned into fists in his lap. “I didn't stay silent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that's all?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sokka said incredulously, anger behind his words. “You got banished for </span>
  <em>
    <span>talking?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was less for talking and more for what I said. There was a general who had proposed that a regiment of new recruits be used as bait in order to attack an earth kingdom battalion. I disagreed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you did! That's seriously messed up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one else seemed to think so. Zuko could still remember the enraged and appalled faces of the generals all around him. He could still remember his father’s face, how it’d been a mask of cold fury.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had gravely insulted the general by speaking out against his plan, so much so that he challenged me to an Agni Kai. I accepted.” Shame and self-recrimination filled his gut at the memory. Zuko had been a fool to think that he stood a chance against the general, much less his actual opponent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s an Agni Kai?” Sokka asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a duel between firebenders, only challenged when one’s honor is called into question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko looked up at the sound of something clattering to the floor. Sokka was on his feet, his chair on the ground and his face clouded over with rage. “They let an old general fight a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thirteen-year-old</span>
  </em>
  <span> to a </span>
  <em>
    <span>fire duel?</span>
  </em>
  <span> I mean, I knew that the Fire Nation was full of assholes, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>this—!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s… not exactly what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, so you’re saying that a grown adult of a general </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> mar your face when you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>thirteen</span>
  </em>
  <span> while people just stood by and </span>
  <em>
    <span>watched?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko forced himself to look Sokka straight in the eye. The thing was, Zuko knew deep down that what his father had done was wrong. But now, in his shaken up state, he needed the confirmation. Zuko hated himself for it, but he needed to see it reflected on the other boy's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d spoken out against the general, yes, but I did it in my father’s war room, so it wasn’t the general I had disrespected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko watched the dawning realization steal the color from Sokka’s face. “You— You mean—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know until I had turned around to face my opponent. I refused to fight him, but that only disgusted him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment stretched out, long and taut. Then Sokka slowly went up to Zuko and sat next to him on his bed. He turned to Zuko and said quietly, with the slightest of tremors in his voice, “That was— it was wrong, Zuko. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>was wrong. Tell me you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko had to turn away from the emotion flashing in Sokka’s eyes. “I know that now. It took me… a long time to realize it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Zuko had started talking, he realized that he wanted to keep going. The words came easily now, unbidden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first year of my banishment had been… bad. The burn on my face had gotten infected on our way out of Fire Nation waters and it’d taken them three days to get to the nearest Earth Kingdom port in search of a doctor.” Zuko had spent those three days in a fever-addled delirium, crying out for a mother who would never come. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko laid gentle fingers over his scar, feeling the familiar bumpy plains under his left eye, eyes on the floor ahead of him but his attention was focused far in the past. “The doctors did everything they could so that I wouldn’t lose my eye, but there was only so much they could do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a click as Sokka swallowed dryly. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still ended up partially blind in my left eye and almost completely deaf in my left ear. I basically had to relearn how to fight in order to compensate.” Even now, he had to turn his head to hear anyone coming on his bad side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the hunt for the Avatar?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko smiled mirthlessly down at the fists in his lap. “It was my father’s ultimatum. Return with the Avatar or don’t return at all. At the time, I saw it as the only way to restore my honor. I didn’t see it for what it really was: a fool’s errand that I was never supposed to return from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder sometimes,” Zuko went on quietly after a long moment of silence, “what would’ve happened if you and Katara hadn’t woken Aang when you had. I’d still be out there I think, chasing after ghost stories—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stops abruptly at the feel of arms wrapping around him, his bad ear being pressed into Sokka’s chest. He tensed, the contact feeling like restraint for one wild moment. Then Sokka’s scent—sea salt and woodsmoke—began to seep in, along with the warm strength of his arms and the rhythmic rise and fall of his breath against Zuko’s cheek. Incrementally, he began to relax, until he was practically boneless in Sokka’s arms. His breath hitched on the way in. Once, twice, again and again, until he lost count entirely. He could feel hot, thick tears sliding down his face to soak into Sokka’s shirt. He knew he should stop this, knew he should be mortified at his blatant weakness, but he was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in a long time, he stopped fighting. He let himself feel everything that he’d carefully sealed inside his chest. The dam had burst and he allowed himself to be swept away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a long time for his tears to stop, for his sobs to devolve into hiccups. Zuko didn’t remember turning towards Sokka, yet he must’ve at some point because he found that his face was buried in Sokka’s shoulder, his hands fisted into Sokka’s shirt. Sokka’s arms loosened slightly from around his shoulders allowing him to look up into Sokka’s face. Their eyes met and they didn’t say anything for a long moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko was the first to break the silence, shame starting to trickle down his spine. “I, uh, sorry—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Sokka said, his voice sounding oddly rough. He cleared his throat. “Don’t worry about it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Really.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“But—” Zuko started to move away but froze when he felt Sokka’s hands gently bracket his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I mean it,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sokka said, his voice quiet but firm. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, alright? Absolutely nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka’s thumb gently swiped at the track of tears under his scarred eye and Zuko blinked, breath stuttering in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka suddenly let go of his face and Zuko had to correct quickly in order to keep from pitching forward. Sokka scooted back slightly, his tan face looking oddly flushed. “I’ll, uh,” Sokka coughed into his fist, “I’ll go tell the others you’re doing alright. They’re probably worried sick. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>doing alright, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko seriously considered the question. He felt like he was standing in the aftermath of a terrible storm, windswept and exhausted but surrounded by a quiet calm. He could almost smell petrichor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said, voice cracking around the word. He wiped at his eyes with the heel of his palm before trying again. “Yeah, I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka’s hand spasmed where it rested on his leg before he clenched it and stood. “Great, I’m, uh, glad to hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sokka,” Zuko said quietly, making Sokka pause with his hand resting on the doorknob. “Can I… can I ask something of you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, man, anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko made himself look Sokka in the eye. “Can you… hold off on telling everyone else what I told you? I’d like to tell them myself. Maybe not today, but eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka gave him a smile that felt like a sunrise. “You got it, buddy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Sokka left, Zuko allowed his fingers to once again touch his scarred cheek. For the first time, however, it wasn’t in the memory of pain.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And there you have it! This had been sitting half-finished in my WIP folder for ages until I got a sudden burst of inspiration. </p><p>Please let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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